Today was a rough day. Well, this week has been a rough week--backed up by a rough month. Ever since we moved into our new home, Jane has gone backwards in issues that I thought we had sort of worked through with her. She seems to be getting worse in lots of areas, and it is causing extreme discouragement & frustration in me. The main issue that we are dealing with in Jane is aggression. She hits, bites, claws, screams, throws things, and rips her hair and mine, out all day long. But here is the thing--she really only does these things to/with me. When I change her diaper she hits me. When I'm feeding her she hits me. When I think she's coming in for a kiss, she bites me instead. I am really struggling with this & wondering if it will ever improve. Jane has been like this since we brought her home, but the aggression just seems to get worse each day.
Adoptive Moms (and any other Mom who has dealt with this) do you have any advice? Any books you've read about this subject? Any words of wisdom or encouragement? I can't even begin to explain how much it is hurting my heart to have a child that beats me up all day long. I am covered in bruises and my body aches from all the ways she tries to attack me. I know that it is not personal. I know she is dealing with grief, abandonment, confusion, etc. But how can I help her heal in this area? What can I be doing to help her move on and forward from this spot. As you can imagine, this is definitely not helping our bonding & attachment to each other. Please, if you have walked through this, can you offer me some advice? Thanks friends!
And of course, can you pray for me? Tonight (after an extremely difficult, highly aggressive day), I was trying to put it all aside. I leaned in to kiss Jane goodnight as Matt was putting her to bed. I tried to kiss her & she ripped a fistful of my hair out. The tears--that were already very close to the surface--started flowing & I just felt so discouraged. Please keep me in your prayers as we seek God's wisdom on how to love, care for and help our daughter heal. Hugs to you all :)
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dear God.
ReplyDeleteonly you can write the redemptive part of this story. we beg you for Jane's heart. I also beg you for strength to endure these hard days. we know it is only in knowing that you are able to restore and bring beauty where only pain once lived.
Rachel - I've been following your journey and want you to know that I am PRAYING!!! What you are going through is HARD!! Our journey with the 3 older ones has been different than yours, but I do understand the pain of not attaching and not loving them in the way you had pictured or hoped. If you haven't already pursued it, I would encourage you to locate an adoption/attachment therapist. We have found this to be invaluable over our past year. Keep hanging on to TRUTH! Blessings, Sherry Semlow
ReplyDeleteThis blogger offers some helpful perspective, I think:
ReplyDeletehttp://dontcallmemother.wordpress.com/page/2/?pages-list
...and I pray, believing God loves you each just as you are and also wants to do an amazing work of further grace in your family...
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, may you dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. May you be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. May you forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, may you wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. May the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And may you cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And may you sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. (Col. 3:12-17)
So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God. (Phil. 1:9-11)
Love, Kristy
Sweetie, I am so very sorry. I will pray for God to heal this situation for all of you.
ReplyDeleteI am keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDelete