Authenticity {Day 6}

I started a different post a few hours ago, but after a phone conversation with a very dear friend of mine I have decided to go another direction tonight. The older I get & the longer I'm a Christ follower, the more and more I long to be an authentic person. I don't know why this is something that Christians struggle with so much. Why is it so hard for us to admit that we are struggling? Why do we feel such a compulsive need to please people and to present ourselves as better than we really are? What are we (what am I) so afraid of?

I don't have all the answers to these questions but I do know that this has been something that has held a grip on me for many many years. In high school & college I had so much spiritual pride. I was so puffed up & so full of myself. In seminary (and the years following) God has taken me on a journey through a very deep valley where He has confronted some very deep issues in my life that needed to be purged. I feel like I've been in this season of "valley walking" for many years now. Upon bringing Jane home I feel like I have really reached the bottom. This is the hardest season I've ever walked through. So much yuck has risen to the surface in my life. So much of my own sin has been set before my eyes. I feel like God has zippered open my soul and allowed all the pride, fear, anger, bitterness, hurt, and resentment to spill out before me.

Why would Jesus let this happen? Because He wants all of me. And I am in the way of that. So here I am--longing to be genuine--to tell you that I struggle. Life is really hard sometimes. I mess up every single day. Are you with me?

What need would we have for grace if we had it all together though? When I was in college I had no understand of what grace really was; what it felt like to be covered in grace that was so undeserved it made my whole body ache to think of it. Grace was not amazing to me. But now, as I've walked through the valley, as I've been confronted with the depths of my own depravity, grace is the sweetest thing I know. It is grace alone that lets me stand before my Savior. It is grace alone that allows me to be forgiven and cleansed. It is grace alone that allows me to be used by God, even though I am so terribly unworthy.

I hope that you will find this blog to be a safe place to land. I hope that you can let your hair down here. I hope that you can find comfort knowing that we are all in need of rescuing. Friends, let's start peeling back the layers. Let's ask God to strip away all that is fake. Let's strive to live in truth. Because really, at the end of the day it is about Jesus. Only Jesus is worthy to be praised. I am not worthy of that. I don't want to rob Him of that. Let us exalt our King & His kingdom. Jesus--remove all that stands against you in my life so that I can be an empty vessel that you can use in whatever way you want. And let me be authentic....God I am longing to live a life laid bare.

Blessings friends...I appreciate you so very much.

Tis So Sweet from First Hattiesburg on Vimeo.