What I Miss

Hi friends.  Have you survived Monday?  I hope you have--would be a shame if this was the Monday that did you in.  So I've been thinking up this little 3 part series.  I thought it might give me some accountability to write at least 3 more times :)  At this point, that is exactly what I need.  While I do feel a deep desire to write again, I have to admit to you that actual writing is not flowing naturally yet.  It is feeling like something that is going to take great discipline to bring back in to my life.  Discipline is such a good thing, but man, it is just always, always a hard thing.  So I would like to share with you over the next 3 posts what I miss, what I love and my thoughts on if any of that really matters.  So tonight, I would like to share my list of what I miss (in no particular order, because, to be perfectly honest, an orderly brain went out the window with child #2)  I'm starting with what I miss because I'm feeling a bit nostalgic and homesick tonight and it just seems to fit with my current mood.

What I Miss About My Pre-Scotland Life:

• I miss strawberries and strawberry shortcake and strawberry milkshakes and strawberry pizza and strawberry pie.  And I miss all of these things from Brandon Farms.  And I must admit that every time one of you posts pictures or FB updates that you are there I cry silent tears.  
• While on the subject, I miss fruit stands in general.  There is just something about buying produce from the farmer who grew the fruit and veggies.  I love the smell of a good fruit stand and it's something I think about a lot.
• I miss thunder and lightning.  This is something I never would have thought twice about in Florida, but the absence of it feels huge.  It rains all the time here, but I've heard one peal of thunder in the last 7 months and haven't seen any lightning.  There is just something about the sound of a huge thunderstorm that strangely makes me feel so safe.  I do have a white noise app on my phone though and sometimes when it's raining really hard, I put the thunderstorm sounds on and pretend like it's real.
• I miss Spanish moss hanging from all the trees.
• I miss driving places mindlessly.  Driving here is still pretty stressful for me--the combination of being on the other side of the car, on the other side of the road, and using my left hand to change gears is a lot to deal with.  Add on top of that still having to use the GPS to get most places because we don't know where we are going and it's enough to make every muscle in your back tense up.  I miss the ease of driving in a familiar place.
• I miss my family.  I miss having my sister 10 minutes away.  I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it.  I miss crafting days with her, and I miss junk food binges at nap time and I miss running to Target with her just because.  I miss being minutes from my Dad.  I miss the comfort he always gives.  I miss his soup when I'm sick.  I miss his hugs.  
• I miss having reminders of my Mom everywhere.  All over Tampa I have memories and places that remind me of my Mom.  Our old house, The Brunchery, the fabric store, Wright's Deli, the tea room, church.  I just miss the constant reminders of her.
• I miss Mexican food.  Oh, how I miss Mexican food.
• I miss my friends.  So many wonderful friends who know my history and know me deeply.  I miss lunches and coffee dates with them.  I miss chatting with them at my kitchen table.  There is just something about long time friends--is there anything better?
• I miss wearing flip flops.  Such a foolish shoe choice here.
• I miss the people at my church who continually sacrificed so much to help my family.
• I miss my old couch.  I have the same IKEA couch here in Scotland, but for some reason it just doesn't feel the same.
• I miss twizzlers with a side of pringles at the movies.
• I miss US dollars.  The GB pound is just very expensive.
• I miss a great big Southern breakfast--that is one meal that America has done right.  I am a friend of the biscuit and I miss its presence in my life.

And most of all....

• I miss being known.  Not known in the sense of people know my name or my face, but known as in me for me.  Me, with all my history.  Me with all my mistakes.  Me with all my best moments.  Me and my journey.  I miss the comfort of knowing and being known the very most.  God has given me such wonderful friends here in Scotland and I love the process of knowing them and being known by them.  But that process is not easy.  It takes so much time and effort and work.  All of this brings such a depth of joy, but the process is hard.  I really do believe that that is what I miss most of all--people knowing me utterly, and loving me in spite of it all.  I know I will get there with new friends.  I have such great hope that in time that will happen and I long for and pray for that day.  This one is such a big one, I will probably expand on it a bit another day. 

But for now, for tonight....a list that hopefully doesn't make you feel sorry or sad for me.  It's really not my intent.  Maybe just a little encouragement to look around and enjoy the big and small things around you that you love.  They may not always be there.  Some may be replaced by better things.  Some will be irreplaceable and the hole left behind will always hurt.  But as they say, better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.  And to conclude, my very favourite quote about goodbyes and I miss yous...