This little blog challenge of mine is getting a little more challenging to keep up. But I'm pretty determined to keep going so here I am.
My best friend Aprile convinced me to sign up for the summer Bible study at our church. I'm not even sure of the name of it, but it's by Priscilla Shirer and it's about leaving the wilderness and moving into the promised land. I haven't started my workbook yet, but at Bible study today we watched the video. To be honest, I didn't get a ton out of it today. I feel very very familiar with the wilderness--I feel like I've been there for several years now. Walking through my Mom's cancer and waiting & fighting for Jane to come home--that has been my wilderness. And to be perfectly honest, I thought that Jane coming home would solve all of it. I thought that when I carried her off that plane I would be walking into my "promised land". I really thought that I had reached the end of my desert trek and my season of abundance was finally here.
Wrong.
Instead I feel like I've journeyed even farther into the desert. Bringing Jane home has made my life even more confusing & more difficult. I feel like my life is more dry and more complicated. But today God got my attention.
At the end of Bible study, our instructor (who is a mentor of mine) gave us all some time to pray and surrender our wilderness. And that's when God spoke to me.
Rachel...you have been walking through the wilderness with a mirror held right up to your own face. All you can see right now is yourself--your difficulty, your confusion, your frustration--you are missing it. No wonder you're stumbling. No wonder you keep walking in circles. No wonder you keep falling down. You can't see me anymore. All you are looking at is yourself. Remove the mirror from in front of your face. Look up child and see me--see my glory as a pillar of fire that you can follow. I will lead you out of the wilderness in my time and on my road. But you have to get rid of the mirror. Take your eyes off of yourself and follow me. Trust me. Trust me.
I'm thankful for a God that loves me enough to discipline. To love me enough to make me get over myself. He is so gracious to me.
(Man...I'm not sure I like all this vulnerability, but it sure has been good for my soul....)
Rachel -
ReplyDeleteThis is such a powerful post. It stands on it's own but it also is so far-reaching in its application to anyone, anywhere.
As I began reading it, though you were talking about your journey with Jane/your mom and how even the eventual positive resolve of both have surprisingly left you still sort of in the desert, my mind automatically began to parallel this with how many woman unwittingly do the same with marriage. {Not all, but some, and innocently so}.
A young woman's heart is often bent (and rightly so) toward marriage and finding Mr. Right and finally "beginning her life" (as if her "life" isn't already begun). ;)
Then, she meets Mr. Right, a wedding showers, marriage and honeymoon are over and a couple of years later she is inwardly wondering why life didn't magically transform for her into that fairytale where all is blissful.
Now, this is just me and what God spoke into my heart as I read this post, but all this to say... your words are applicable to all and even a bit of a word of caution to all: HE is our fulfillment. Period. Not marriage. Not career. Not children. Not homes. Nothing but HIM.
You're spot on, Rachel. Thanks so much for your daily wisdom here lately! It's fresh from the Well Spring and you can't beat that! :)
Love ya, girlie!
Ruth
Awesome and sweet word from the Lord to your heart.
ReplyDeleteSo true of our lives when we would try to find fullfillment in anything or anyone apart from God.
May you walk with joy and peace and freedom as you persue Him step by step with a steadfast focus.
Love and hugs and prayers,
Debi