The Grief Ocean

It's true what they say about grief being like an ocean. Somtimes the tide grabs hold of you with brutal strength and pulls you under. It tosses you about. A ragdoll in the swirling depths. Sometimes the force pulls so tightly that you just want to give in to it...to just let go and let it destroy you. The fight feels too hard and you feel too weak. I understand the panic that David felt as he penned "Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit." (Psalm 143:7) There are days that the grief consumes all else. There is nothing but sorrow--no light, only darkness. "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from You presence....if I make my bed in the depths, You are there." (Psalm 139:7-8) Even in the depths--on the days where the bitterness and pain are my residence--He is still there. I can not flee from Him. The pain is not too big for Him.

Grief is the loneliest place. When I'm sinking farther into the depths of the Grief Ocean I feel alone in so many ways. But every time I open my eyes, I see past the turmoil, and I see Him there--my Rescuer. The One who is close to me--the brokenhearted. The one who is crushed in spirit. He is there. And He rescues with His iron grip. He pulls me to safety. He pulls me into soundness of mind. He pulls me to the peaceful shore.

The Grief Ocean is an ironic place. In it's depths it will destroy. The waves and breakers threaten to drown their victims. But on the shores, the waters bring peace and quiet to the soul. The waves lap against the shore in rhythm. Like a lullaby. What seemed so dangerous now brings peace. And a beauty is discovered as one looks out upon the Ocean. The magnitude of it all whispers awe into the quiet places inside you. The bruises on your heart & soul from being tossed about in the depths are so fresh and painful. But so much bigger than that, is the reminder of what it felt like to be rescued. The iron grip of the Rescuer cannot be forgotten.

Just like the waves that creep to the shore--just to be pulled back into the turbulent seas, the process of grief is a cycle. Some days I find myself wading ankle deep....eyes still taking in the beauty of the Ocean about me. Other days I stumble and plunge into the depths. But I am never alone. He is here with me--every step of the way He is here.

"If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You." (Psalm 139:11-12)