Thoughts of Heaven

My lovely & creative friend Diana gave me the most beautiful handmade gift last night...this gorgeous paper butterfly garland. She said that she wasn't very good at writing cards or expressing how sorry she was that my Mom had gone to be with Jesus. So instead she gave me this treasure. She cut the butterflies out of a hymn that was about Heaven. Isnt't that so beautiful? She also gave me a card with the lyrics to the hymn. I don't know who wrote this, but I have read it over & over this morning as I daydream about what Mom is doing right now. I miss her so....

Just beyond the glow of twilight,

just beyond the evening star,

Dwells the hope of all that's mortal,

Just beyond the things that are.

Things that here we see but dimly,

There revealed to us shall be;

Faith that here we cling to firmly,

In fulfillment there we see

Hopes of man through countless ages,

Of a life beyond the grave,

Christ confirmed and turn'd the pages

For a world He died to save.

Christ alone the grave has conquered,

And His tomb did stand ajar,

As from heav'n His prayer was answered,

Just beyond the things that are.

May our faith in life eternal,

with a deep, abiding glow,

Still illuminate our pathway

as we travel here below.

When our journey here is ended

As our call comes from afar;

There a home in heaven awaits us,

Just beyond the things that are.

Just beyond the things that are...

Small Things That Bring Joy

• ginger ale


• this song

• rainy days


• finding treasures in my mom's closet...and joyful memories in the midst of the pain (more on this soon)


• early early mornings spent with Jesus--the Healer of my weary soul


• mint lipgloss


• dreams of Scotland & my upcoming trip there


• dancing with my girls to silly songs


• these chips:

• hugs from my husband


• oranges almost ripe for picking in my backyard


• sunsets...and thoughts that maybe, just maybe Jesus asked my Mama to help Him paint them


• playing dress up with my girls


• my sister & dad and the comfort they bring me


• finally learning how to tie a scarf here


• guacamole


• friends that i can laugh with


• this quote:

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." --G.K. Chesterton

• and this haiku that my friends wrote for me in response to above said quote :)
  

Cheese, cheese more puh-leeze
Havarti, Swiss, Cheddar, Brie
You're gouda to me.

• words that I identify with in the psalms about grief and hope


• date nights with my man


• browsing around home goods...my favorite store


• strawberry shortcake from road-side produce stands


• hope that dawns like the morning
  

(picture is a free download from the pioneer woman)

Video of Mom

Here is a video that my brother-in-law made for Mom's Celebration of Life service this weekend. It is such a beautiful tribute to her life--I would be so honored if you would watch it. It tells such a beautiful story. Miss her tons--but so thankful for gifts like this that keep her memory alive for us. (Videos usually don't fit on my blog layout--you may have to click on this link to watch it directly on youtube)

Dear Mom,

A couple of weeks before you went home to Jesus, you asked me if I thought you would be able to read blogs in heaven, because you really wanted to stay updated on all that was happening in our lives. I told you that I didn't think you would care--you would be way too enthralled with Jesus to be distracted by things on earth. And while I know that is the truth--you are now looking straight into the face of your Maker--I have changed my answer. I so wish that you could read this blog. I have so much to tell you & I just really wish you could see this post. I don't have any regrets with you. I really don't and I'm so thankful for that. I told you everything that was in my heart that I wanted to say. I'm not going to share those things here, because they are yours alone. And I really feel like you told me everything that was in your heart for me too. You told me you were proud of me. You told me that I was an amazing Mommy. You told me that the man I chose to marry was perfect for me. You told me that I had never looked more beautiful than I had been in recent weeks. You told me that you loved me. You told me that you believed Jesus was true to His promises.

There are no regrets lingering. But I'm just feeling so lost right now. I don't really know what to do with myself today. I've never lived without a Mom, and I just don't really know how this is supposed to work. What my days are supposed to look like when you're not in them. My heart is sad, and I wish so much that you could hug me and tell me it was all going to be ok, and that time would heal the sting. And that Jesus alone is my Comforter. I have so many questions--why it had to be you. Why it had to be me to say goodbye so soon. I'm not bitter. God has given me so much peace. But sometimes at night I wake up & just wonder why God has allowed me to walk this road. I know His character though, and I know His heart. I know that He is going to work all of this for my good. I am choosing to trust that. And Mom, it really is a choice--it does not come naturally. But you knew that more than anyone.

I just miss you. Everytime I've walked into your house this week, I've turned the corner in the kitchen, expecting to see your feet propped up on the footrest on your quiet time chair in the den. I keep picking up the phone to tell you something, and then remember that I won't get you on the other end. I knew this would be hard. We were so ready to let you go home. Your suffering, especially during your last week was so acute. It was so easy to release you. I know that you are whole now. I know that you are cancer-free. I know that you are victorious in Christ. I know that you are dancing with Jesus (as Ava reminds me each day). I know that you have no more tears. I know that your suffering is over. I know that God is faithful. I have never been so grateful for what Jesus did for me on the cross. I have never been so humbled by His great and lavish love for me. He is so good, isn't He? I have never longed more deeply for everyone I know to know Him. The Gospel changes everything.

I am grieving you. My heart feels like it might break in half. My sorrow feels as deep as the ocean. But Mama, I just need you to know that I'm not overcome. I am not in despair. I am not left hopeless. I have never ever been so filled with hope. I have never been so intimate with my Prince of Peace. I have never felt more loved by our family & our friends. And so I just need you to know that I am ok. I will miss you forever. I don't think that will ever go away. I will always need you. I will probably never understand it all while I'm walking this earth. But you have changed me. I am different because of you. I am different because I watched you suffer with grace & with an ever clinging love to Jesus. You are just so beautiful--and your spirit lives on. We will keep your legacy alive for our children. I will promise you that.

I will see you soon Mama Moozle. I long for that day even more now. And each day that I walk here will bring me one day closer to you. Jesus is just so worthy....He is so good. I know that He is carrying me every day. He has captured my heart. I love you Mom...don't forget to do a couple of cartwheels in my honor :)

Love you forever & ever,
Rachel Roozle

One year ago TODAY I met and held Jane for the first time. It is a day I will never forget as long as I live. Happy Meetcha Day Jane!! I love you forever!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Mom is with Jesus

Friends,
Just wanted to let you know that this morning at 7:45am my sweet Mama went home to her Jesus. She had an extremely hard night, and after lots of struggle her body became extremely peaceful about an hour before she passed. Her breathing became very shallow, but with each breath she kept saying "home". Dad, Emmy & I were there, holding her hand as she took her last breath. It was beautiful and peaceful and full of hope. We are deeply sad, and hurting so much. But more than that, we are so thankful & relieved that Jesus--our Prince of Peace--finally came to rescue Mom and carry her to her true home. We have peace in the midst of this--we have so much joy knowing she is eternally healed, and with her Maker. We will see her again soon, and that will be a glorious day. It is well with our souls....